sweet n' sour

it's been an interesting week and must admit that calling it dramatic would be a ridiculous understatement.

life has been like a bad filipino soap opera, a play by william shakespeare, and even like an episode of skins UK (and i am not in the slightest bit exaggerating)

but i'm happy to say i found my smile again.
there's a slight bitterness to it, cus when I gained one, i mighta lost another dearest.
but time will tell.

for now, i smile.

welcome to heartbreak, part 3

it's always after every conversation i have like this... filled with tears and word vomit... after every desperate grasp at something that was never mine, fleeting... after all the ways i could embarrass myself... i get this moment of... clarity.

maybe not clarity per se, but i seem to always reach this state of paralyzation. i feel numb. i don't know what to think. i listen to any possible kind of music and feel absolutely nothing. i talk about my feelings to anyone who will listen. but after all of that, i don't feel anything.

"Why is it such a struggle to love when it's so easy to hate?"

(a quote from a friend's twitter)

i give. i give. i give.
i love. i love. i love.
i get hurt. I get hurt. I get hurt.
three times it's been and yet, i seem to (a) never learn and (b) never hated.

should i hate you? or do i really hate myself?

the thought is fleeting... it's passing... it's gone...

why do all the tough lessons have to hurt?

cue endless love. cue susie blue. cue clarity. i could cue every song in the book that makes sense with this post but none of them would matter.

because i don't feel anything.

i am numb.

and just when i thought i had things figured out.... i question it all over again.

"just keep me close"

i always do.

breakaway

absolutely can't wait to live on my own. be free from having to ask for permission to go to things. run on my own time. live by the honourable values and morals that i learned from my parents but not have to constantly have them drilled into my head as if i'm a 1-year-old trying to stay out later than 9 pm on a thursday night.

i'm young enough to be looked out for but old enough to make my own decisions.

maybe one day you should just give up on me. one day you need to let go of me. i'm growing up. and even though you might not be happy that you can't keep your little girl on a tight leash and stop her from growing up, at least be content knowing that she's a young, independent woman whose just as strong as you.

don't forget, you're the one who raised me.

grrrrrrrrrind

no more midterms but things aren't over quite yet.
quizzes coming up.
assignments due.
papers to write.
work to go to.
meetings to have.


on that independent girl status.

brb

365 days

... of good conversation.
... of love.
... of laughs.
... of heartbreak.
... of tears.
... of growing up.
... of plans.
... of friendship.

thanks.

go with your gut

and just like you said you hope, there will be someone else. now tell me if you knew that it would have a twist like this.

what does your gut tell you?

1. we're young yet life is too short.
2. can we really do anything we want?
3. the One who pushes you away OR the one who you don't know if you wanna be pulled in by?

oh life...

peace of mind

x

himym x chemistry

Ted: "It's just, everyday I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less. And that, sucks. What do I do about that, Scherbatsky?"
Robin: "You're Ted Moseby. You start believing again."
Ted: "In what, destiny?"
Robin: "Chemistry. If you have chemistry you only need one thing..."
Ted: "What's that?"
Robin: "...Timing. But timing's a bitch."

Tell me something I don't know.

esy x spain

take me back...

say what you need to say

catching up with an old friend the other day and somehow it came up that we both agree: people who hate everything and say "fuck the world" just aren't interesting. they're boring. sure, anybody appreciates the honesty of someone who doesn't care about what other people think, step to the beat of their own drum but people who simply don't care about ANYTHING are lame (for lack of a better term).

it seems like the ones who matter the most lately, are the ones who just don't seem to get it. i care. and sure, maybe a little too much sometimes but, i like joining a million clubs on top of my schoolwork. i like coming home late knowing i spent my day productively. i like being independent. i like being ambitious and putting myself out there. i like apologizing when i'm wrong/make a mistake. i like putting others first before myself. i like caring about things like the environment, people and how your day is going.

"it's okay to make mistakes though as it forces you to reflect on your personality."

i'm sitting here reflecting for the past 2 days and nights and just feel like i can't seem to do things right. i take in what everyone else is feeling and i bring those things straight to my heart. and those things in my heart, i care about with all i can. you can say something's wrong with me... depressed, even. but it's because i care. about things. about my friends. about my family. i care and maybe a little too much...

ignite!

Come out to the Cultch today to see me awkwardly grace the stage at Ignite! Youth Festival's Word Night.

It's $2 so no "I'm broke" excuses allowed!

Disclaimer: After much push from my friends on the Youth Panel, they convinced me to finally spontaneously audition and made it. I am by no means any sort of "Spoken Word" artist... as I described myself in my bio online, I'm coming straight from the confinements of my room and praying to God that you enjoy some of what you can make out of my 2 am ramblings. I am scared out of my mind (even as I write this promo which I strategically put up the day of) because this is something I have kept private all these years. But I suppose if you want a good laugh, come catch me in the show! And when I say laugh... I don't mean because I am comedic in any way...

...haha..ha..........ha.

song of the day: more of this

felt like summer today. had the most overwhelming time getting everyone out of my house because all my friends were critiquing my outfit :( HAHA SO MEAN (guess it makes sense for a jerk to have jerk friends). had a super tedious and boring training session for working the elections then met up with the gang at granville island. "find the half naked asian man doing magic" and ran into lasheeka!... bought a frisbee and put it to good use at a park in false creek. played ultimate HAHA "how is he so goood!!!" "don't even need to put D on David cus he's probably gonna drop it anyways" walked the sea wall and met up with noelle... walked to pho on broadway from science world. then did some jigs in front of a random coffee shop to some dope live music.

great day with great people.

definitely want more days like this

song of the day: nothing lasts forever

spring fling

photos from alison's camera

waiting game

"The faculty you have applied for has expressed interest in reviewing the additional information you provided us when you submitted your supplemental application. This will take some additional time. We will notify you by email as soon as the faculty has made their decision. We understand that this additional wait is difficult, and we thank you for your patience."


HATE. THIS. ASDfhjfdkrelqJ4HI32HIQKWEASDFLASK

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