"do what you love"

At what point, does one allow practicality to be beaten by passion?
At what point, is enough... enough?
At what point, does one know if they made the right decision?
At what point, does one know if it was all worth it?

You're right. You're right. He's right. She's right. They're right.

Do what you love, they say.
Don't take on too much, they say.
Delegate, they say.
Set your priorities straight, they say.

But what do I say?

edit: I say, Let Go and Let God.

early morning ramblings III

fuck the world

Kind of in the mood where all I want to say is FUCK YOU to everything and everyone. I've worked my ass off only to realize there is not enough time in the day to accomplish everything in one sitting. Not even going to Kelowna anymore because of bullshit adminstration. Guess that means more time for me to get my shit together, right?

Now...where the fuck is my Theatre Crit take home exam?! Its due at noon. Seriously...this is just the motherfucking cherry on top. Can't wait to go home tonight.

early morning ramblings II

health vs. school

I'm on the pursuit but it's tough. I'm trying to push myself harder but my body won't let me. These headaches are forcing me to sleep earlier and wake up even earlier. I fell asleep at 10 o'clock tonight with the plan of just taking a 2-hour nap before I kept going. But next thing I know, my mom's telling me to wake up at 3 instead so I get in at least 5 hours. 2 hours of math later, my head hurts again and I feel dead. 3 hours to finish a Comparative Civilizations presentation. Seems easy enough, but it's my body that won't let me. It wants to rest, take care of itself... have a break. I know myself too well that if I sleep now, I'll never wake up. I have to ace all o' dis. I have to do my best. I have to graduate. I have to get into universities. I have to.

But when will I know when enough is enough? When will I know that this is my limit and just accept it?

Reminder to self: You can't go to university when you're dead.

early morning ramblings I

same shit, different year

What else is new? I'm buried in schoolwork. I've lost my sense in priority. There never seems to be enough time in the day, week, month, year. And I'm too pussy to deal with any of my shit head on.

It's embarrassing really. To be known as a "good student" when in fact I'm this lazy motherfucker who doesn't apply herself and lets extra-curriculars rule her life. Maybe it was karma at its finest bitchery that I got hit with some sort of flu and weave of sinus headaches last week, making me miss more school (which I love) but in turn, screws me the fuck over.

Here I sit, skipping first block (what else is new?) studying for a lunch-time make up test. I hide from my teachers out of shame and avoid my peers out of pride. I've cried wolf one too many times and have asked for help already. But still, I am stuck in this slump where I have so much shit to do, I don't even know where to start.

Things are definitely easier said than done. I swear, this is the same shit but just a different year. Except, this year counts. THIS YEAR FUCKING COUNTS. I don't know why that isn't pushing me to work harder, faster, better, stronger. It scares me because this "attitude" I've been having towards my education, is going to get me nowhere. I've lost my sense of drive, determination and hardworking nature. But funny, because I've still been stuck with perfection. My attitude is that if it's not perfect, don't hand it in. Bullshit, right? Yeah, I'm sort of fucked up.

This isn't a post where I've reached some sort of epiphany... because I know everything that I'm supposed to know and do in this situation: TO JUST DO IT. Been here one too many times and trust me, the view ain't so pretty.

Excuse me while I become anti-social until Christmas Break.

Autumn

So, I used to think that my favorite season was Summer. On paper, the season was/is perfect; no school, sun all day (theoretically), and good times all around. But with Summer's perceived perfections comes high expectations and quick assumptions. We all look forward to our Summer. We create plans for it and have a general idea of how it's going to turn out. And almost every single time, we're wrong. We never really know how it turns out in the end. Whether it exceeds our expectations or doesn't reach its peak, Summer never is what we originally hoped it to be.

But now, why I think I like Autumn more than Summer is the fact this year, it was unexpected. The coldness of Autumn was like a shock to the nerves I forgot I had. It surprised me and is still surprising me everyday. Everyday I meet Autumn, feels different from the last. But at the same time, it just feels so... right; almost natural. In what seems to be forever, I am simply letting the leaves fall where they may (and they have taken quite the pattern).

They say, no two Summers were ever the same. But why can't we apply that to Autumn? Each time it hits, it's different. Frankly, it's refreshing to feel completely in sync with a season. My nights are comfortable and my days feel brighter than any Summer day I could think of. Summer just feels the same all day-round. Warm; which of course, has its benefits but who doesn't like freezing hands and warmer drinks once in a while?

Anyways, thanks for sneaking up on me Autumn. Who knows, I just might start calling you... Fall.