early morning ramblings I

same shit, different year

What else is new? I'm buried in schoolwork. I've lost my sense in priority. There never seems to be enough time in the day, week, month, year. And I'm too pussy to deal with any of my shit head on.

It's embarrassing really. To be known as a "good student" when in fact I'm this lazy motherfucker who doesn't apply herself and lets extra-curriculars rule her life. Maybe it was karma at its finest bitchery that I got hit with some sort of flu and weave of sinus headaches last week, making me miss more school (which I love) but in turn, screws me the fuck over.

Here I sit, skipping first block (what else is new?) studying for a lunch-time make up test. I hide from my teachers out of shame and avoid my peers out of pride. I've cried wolf one too many times and have asked for help already. But still, I am stuck in this slump where I have so much shit to do, I don't even know where to start.

Things are definitely easier said than done. I swear, this is the same shit but just a different year. Except, this year counts. THIS YEAR FUCKING COUNTS. I don't know why that isn't pushing me to work harder, faster, better, stronger. It scares me because this "attitude" I've been having towards my education, is going to get me nowhere. I've lost my sense of drive, determination and hardworking nature. But funny, because I've still been stuck with perfection. My attitude is that if it's not perfect, don't hand it in. Bullshit, right? Yeah, I'm sort of fucked up.

This isn't a post where I've reached some sort of epiphany... because I know everything that I'm supposed to know and do in this situation: TO JUST DO IT. Been here one too many times and trust me, the view ain't so pretty.

Excuse me while I become anti-social until Christmas Break.