my heart hurts

I was afraid to take the risk. I was hesitant. But somehow in the shuffle of things, it felt right. You feel like a douche but I feel like a dumbass. I feel like a dumbass because I put everything I had into this; a dumbass because every day I was falling harder and harder, you were falling out; a dumbass because I had to wake up this morning and tell myself, HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE; a dumbass because I still do.

My heart hurts. My chest feels lopsided because it feels like there’s something that’s 24532678 pounds in my left side. Everything I have, I carry with this heart. I told you to be careful with it cause it’s the only one I got. And now, I tell myself… so this is heartbreak, huh. This is what it feels like to have your heart ache.

I just can’t believe it nor will I ever understand it. What we had, it was good. So good. Better than the rest, you said. Then why. Why don’t you love me anymore. Why can’t you love me anymore. Why don’t you want to love me anymore. I wish it was a bad dream or a cruel joke because hey, everyday jerk love right?

But it isn’t. And this is why my heart hurts.